so….i have a squirrel in my attic. was gonna cost me $1200 to get him removed. so i ordered a trap on amazon.com. set it tonight. there were a few problems with this idea…..
1. i’m terrified of the weak ass attic ladders that come in old houses like mine
2. the attic light is out, it was dark as a mother fucker up there
3. i had this vision of the squirrel deciding to come bolting out the trap door, down the ladder, into the main part of my house
4. i’d had beer
so here i go….up the rickety ladder, squirrel trap baited in one hand, phone on top of it with the flashlight on so i can see something, a little buzzed and envisioning a dive bombing squirrel attack.
if you are waiting for the part where i tell you my drunk ass fell of the ladder it ain’t coming. this is all you get. until tomorrow when i tell you about climbing back up at 5:00 AM to retrieve him and have to drive the fucker 10+ miles from the house so he doesn’t come back……
“I drink,” she said, “because it helps me forget about you. And when I’m not drinking, I’m sitting here wallowing in my own self-pity. When I drink, I can at least forget that there’s even anything to pity. Getting drunk alone is like my own personal ‘fuck you’ to all those happy couples out…