January 2011
Reblog if you're not going to be with the person...
December 2010
“When in comes to bullshit…bigtime, major league bullshit…you have to stand in...”
– George Carlin (via ageofreason)
“When in comes to bullshit…bigtime, major league bullshit…you have to stand in...”
– George Carlin (via ageofreason)
“let her cry if the tears fall down like rain. let her sing if it eases all her pain. let her go, let her walk right out on me. and if the sun comes up tomorrow….let her be.”
loving some hootie this morning. i blame him.
Light bulbs in one’s head should be banned. They have a tendency to take great days and turn them upside down.
Had one this morning. It was a bit of a blow, though it is only speculation on my part right now. I can add two and two. Sometimes I get 6, but I am a damn intuitive guy and most times I get 4 when that is what the answer is supposed to be. This 4, well it was a kick in the...
Comics Cavern: Holiday zombies: safety first! →
comicscavern:
I know, Christmas is over, but what with Boxing Day, New Year’s, etc. it’s still the holiday season which means we still have to watch out for those pesky zombies!
I know, your plate is full what with the baking, entertaining friends and family, and spreading good cheer - but that’s no…
2011 Goal #1
Last year I set out to accomplish a goal. 12 5k races in 2010. One each month. I did great until August. In August I turned 36, went on vacation, and bought a house within 3 weeks of each other. Oh and moved RJ in with me. I did not complete a single additional race in 2010.
But 2011 is only 5 days away…..
January Race- http://www.frostbite5k.org/
February Race-...
“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he’ll...”
– Unknown Author (via ageofreason)
wow…..just…..Wow!
“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.”
– Brendan Gill (via ageofreason)
“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.”
– Brendan Gill (via ageofreason)
The New Testament
God: Hey Jews.
Jews: Hey.
God: So listen, guys, I'm thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.
Jews: What?
God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.
Jews: We don't follow.
God: Okay, work with me here, guys. Remember the whole "angry God" thing?
Jews: Vividly.
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of you and-
Jews: Yeah.
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention Robo-Hitler. Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert," am I right?
Jews: ...
God: Anyway, we're going to re-work this whole “God" thing. For example, kid-friendly is big these days in religion.
Jews: So, like...?
God: For example, I'm super chill now, for some reason. Plus there's a heaven. Oh, and this is Jesus. He's my son, and he's God too, or something. It's complicated, ok?
Jesus: Yo.
Jews: I think we'll stick with the old one here.
God: Look, I love the brand loyalty, Jews, I really do. But this whole “God" thing isn't playing to the right demographics. Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whole “A.D." generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes!
God: Ha, that Jesus. What a character, right? This is going to play huge in Rome…
Jews: This…goes against everything you've ever told us.
God: No it doesn't, so just shut up. Also, Jesus, you're going to die.
Jesus: What? I thought I was your son! Or God. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus? Besides, you totally return when you fight the Devil.
Jews: Who?
God: Right, he's another new character. He's like an evil God. Plot twist, right? We're arch enemies.
Jesus: Why would you make your own arch-enemy? That's really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus. And what would you know? You're made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: Sponsorships, alright? New testaments aren't cheap.
Jews: I'm sorry, this is just way too different. Is this your fan-fiction or something?
God: Of course not. This is the logical progression of Judaism which I planned all along. Like when I made all those references to a lamb.
Jews: You made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess. So there.
Jews: Couldn't you have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just go with it guys. I worked really hard on this. And come on, you totally owe me for the whole "creation" thing anyway.
(pause)
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesome! "Most Jews," aka "New Christians"-
New Christians: We're what now?
God: You won't regret this guys. I have the whole thing planned perfectly.
Holy Ghost: Oooooooooh!
God: ...
New Christians: ...
God: You're going to love it.
The New Testament
God: Hey Jews.
Jews: Hey.
God: So listen, guys, I'm thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.
Jews: What?
God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.
Jews: We don't follow.
God: Okay, work with me here, guys. Remember the whole "angry God" thing?
Jews: Vividly.
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of you and-
Jews: Yeah.
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention Robo-Hitler. Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert," am I right?
Jews: ...
God: Anyway, we're going to re-work this whole “God" thing. For example, kid-friendly is big these days in religion.
Jews: So, like...?
God: For example, I'm super chill now, for some reason. Plus there's a heaven. Oh, and this is Jesus. He's my son, and he's God too, or something. It's complicated, ok?
Jesus: Yo.
Jews: I think we'll stick with the old one here.
God: Look, I love the brand loyalty, Jews, I really do. But this whole “God" thing isn't playing to the right demographics. Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whole “A.D." generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes!
God: Ha, that Jesus. What a character, right? This is going to play huge in Rome…
Jews: This…goes against everything you've ever told us.
God: No it doesn't, so just shut up. Also, Jesus, you're going to die.
Jesus: What? I thought I was your son! Or God. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus? Besides, you totally return when you fight the Devil.
Jews: Who?
God: Right, he's another new character. He's like an evil God. Plot twist, right? We're arch enemies.
Jesus: Why would you make your own arch-enemy? That's really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus. And what would you know? You're made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: Sponsorships, alright? New testaments aren't cheap.
Jews: I'm sorry, this is just way too different. Is this your fan-fiction or something?
God: Of course not. This is the logical progression of Judaism which I planned all along. Like when I made all those references to a lamb.
Jews: You made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess. So there.
Jews: Couldn't you have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just go with it guys. I worked really hard on this. And come on, you totally owe me for the whole "creation" thing anyway.
(pause)
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesome! "Most Jews," aka "New Christians"-
New Christians: We're what now?
God: You won't regret this guys. I have the whole thing planned perfectly.
Holy Ghost: Oooooooooh!
God: ...
New Christians: ...
God: You're going to love it.
